Tuesday, July 24, 2007

One More Lesson

All right,

Obviously the universe has some profound lesson to teach me that I can only learn when I am absolutely bone-dead-tired. I'm afraid to ask what it is. 


Dave says he likes watching documentaries where people swim or crawl through tight spaces. I can hardly force myself to watch those. I had paralytic polio as a toddler. I lost the ability to breathe for myself and had to go into an iron lung. I don't remember it consciously but I'm claustrophobic from it. Don't like tight-necked clothes either. If I were a guy you'd never catch me in a tie. 


But forget claustrophobia. Right now a nice dark, quiet cave would be welcome. If I could sleep a week I'm sure I'd feel better. As it is I have to pull up the boots, stop my whining and get on with the dozen tasks I need to do before day's end.  


Reading today about coming up against obstacles to enlightenment, one obstacle mentioned is a feeling of resentment about who you are, what you are - or your situation. I have no problems with who I am, and I certainly feel no resentment at my poor broken husband. This has been a very difficult experience for him. But is my impatience with my limited strength and energy a form of resentment? Those limitations are part of me, a part, that according to Buddhist philosophy I chose, in order to learn lessons I had not yet learned.

 

Looked at that way, over the years I have learned what my body is capable of, and I've learned to stay within those limits. Now it seems I need to learn how to deal with what happens when I have to go beyond my comfort zone. It's no fun but if I resent it the lesson only comes harder. 


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